Spy behind enemy lines: why I’m back on Instagram (sort of)

Connection shouldn't cost us our souls

This morning I rode a horse. This afternoon I connected Instagram to my computer. That felt way harder. Despite it being roughly 67 million percent humidity outside.

I can’t remember the last time I opened Instagram. Because I hate Instagram. I hate how it makes me feel. Not just "the gram" but social media apps at large. The scrolling. The looking. The performative fakery. The feeling like you have to show off. I hate how it’s designed to suck us in and lull us with brightly filtered photos of something that was once real.

Mostly, I hate how it keeps too many people tethered to their phones while life lives on. Often without them.

But I also hate how so many of us still rely on these apps to stay connected. How ingrained they are in our daily routines. There’s almost no other way to reach people now except through glowing screens and those little red notification icons that promise a cheap (and tiny) dopamine hit.

One thing I am not is an unrealistic pessimist. I’m a realistic optimist. And I know, from experience, that I am rarely unique in my opinions. It’s my belief that others share this same exhaustion with the apps. They just keep using them out of habit, or addiction, or fear of being left behind. FOMO for pixels.

So here’s my half-measure: I reconnected Instagram via Meta Business Suite, also known as the internet’s answer to the DMV. Nothing about Meta makes sense. It’s layer upon layer of interface garbage, probably designed by people whose mothers didn’t hug them enough. And yet there I was, linking one app to another app so I can post from my laptop instead of my phone. Because I no longer use a smartphone. Just a flip phone. Like it’s 2006 again. I have reclaimed my sanity and my goddess does it feel good.

With no more smartphone, that means the apps are only allowed on the computer. This means I’ve been keeping my social media usage to a bare minimum. I’ve blocked Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube on my computer, except for two days a week, Wednesdays and Sundays. Yesterday was one of those "free" days, and it extinguished the spark of joy from my life.

I might need to block Wednesdays.

But still, I remain an optimistic realist. We can use the internet intentionally. As a tool. Not a soul-sucking trap of existential dread. I aim that jab mainly at LinkedIn. That place. If meta is the DMV of the internet, LinkedIn is a mortuary.

Anyway.

There’s nothing wrong with posting something you’re proud of. There’s nothing wrong with using social media sparingly, with purpose, like a great spice. Or a potent curse word. But reaching for your phone every time you feel the faintest flicker of boredom... that's a cry for help. That’s missing out on your life and what your brain could be dreaming up if you let it rest for five fucking seconds. You don't need an ASMR video of someone cleaning a rug. You need to go outside and watch a squirrel dash up a tree.

So after all this ranting about social media, why the heck am I back on Instagram?

To help more people get off of it. Or at least use it more wisely.

The last time I tried to use Instagram on desktop, sometime in 2024, it cursed me in the rudest of ways. Today it acted like it knew how badly it had disappointed me, and it shaped up. Not good enough to get back on my iPhone turned iPod. Those days are over. But good enough for my laptop.

The new plan of intention

I’ll post my work. I’ll engage where it matters or where my snark is required. I’ll treat social media like a power drill, two clicks of the trigger. But it is not a security blanket, a distraction, or even a substitute for real connection.

We used to have boundaries with tech. Not by choice, either. We couldn’t take our giant CRT monitors outside. We didn’t drag our desktop towers into the bathroom with us. But now we carry the internet in our pockets and pretend it’s normal.

Imagine whipping out a 15" MacBook Pro in a Starbucks bathroom stall. Silly, and yet that’s exactly what we do every time we open our smartphones to check “just one thing” while making a tinkle.

One stream at a time, people.

So here’s the deal: I’ll keep posting. But like a spy behind enemy lines. I’ll sneak in. Share what I made. See what other creatives are up to. And sneak out.

No scroll. No notifications. No soul-emptying regret that follows too much time watching Reels. Funny as many of them are.

If you're still here, bookmark this site. I promise I won't post photos of my lunch. Remember when we used to bookmark our favorite sites? Somewhere between the MySpace Tom era and the dawn of Zuckerface blue. On a Mac, it's command + D. Don't ask me what it is on Windows. I haven't the foggiest.

Let’s bring back the energy of the net when it was fun. Remember that? The joy of creating for real connection, not just likes.

If this resonates, share it. Or better yet: send it directly to someone you know who is fed up with social media but hasn’t found their way out yet.

I’ll use social media. But I won’t let it use me.